This morning, the whole family wanted to go to the farmers’ market.  I thought we’d pick up some veggies and have lunch.  Steven wanted to visit the free health screening van (he doesn’t have medical insurance).  The kids just like to get out and about.

I told them we’d have to do some cleaning up first.  They were supposed to clean up the family room and empty the dishwasher.  I started on the office/hallway area.  Within a few minutes, the yelling and arguing began.

I can’t please anyone by trying to referee these discussions.  “She won’t help!” “I won’t help unless she apologizes!“  And I just wanted to yell “You kids shut up and get off my lawn!”

I finished my task and sat down to keep my cool by playing Bejeweled 2.  While playing, I had an idea.

They were definitely not going to the market, and I knew why.  It wasn’t just a punishment.  It was because people out there really, really don’t want to be around kids who are acting up, or around kids who can’t be respectful of other people. I’ve read about it on the internets!

So, after giving them time to actually get some cleaning done, I calmly explained it to them.

“I just wanted to let you know that I do appreciate the work you did, but you won’t be going to the farmers’ market today, because people there don’t want to be around kids who can’t be respectful, and you were not being respectful to each other or to me,” I said.

“But she started it, and I tried to ignore her, and I’m not going to talk it out unless she…”

“Well, that’s fine,” I interjected.  “I’m not asking you to talk it out.  You can if you want to. But you won’t be going to the market because you weren’t being respectful, and people don’t want to be around kids who aren’t respectful.”

“Can we do something to make up for it so that we can go?” asked my eldest.

“No, not today, but I’m sure you’ll get another chance sometime,” said I.

And that was that!  No crying or whining, and Steven made a lovely, solitary trip to the market.

Techniques inspired by Parenting With Love and Logic by Jim Fay and Foster Cline

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